Nubwo abantu batandukanye kubera imiterere cyangwa ubuzima bwabo, ni bimwe mu bibatera kurakara ku buryo butandukanye ndetse no kurakazwa n’impamvu zitandukanye ariko abahanga mu myitwarire y’urukundo bemeza ko abahungu bari mu rukundo hari ibyo bahuriraho bibarakaza iyo bikozwe n’abakobwa bakundana.
Impuguke mu gihugu cy’u Bufaransa, umuganga witwa Leleu, avuga ko nyuma yo gukora ubushakashatsi yasanze abahungu bari mu rukundo bakunda kurakazwa cyane n’ibi bintu birindwi.
1. Kuba umukobwa bakundana yisuzugura; Ngo kwisuzugura no kwishyira hasi ni kamwe mu tumenyero tw’abagore bamwe na bamwe cyangwa se kwitinya no kutigirira icyizere. Iyi myitwarire rero iyo mukundana n’umuhungu ntaba akiyigushakaho kuko ngo hari ubwo igutera kwifata nabi, kwigira nk’umunyamahanga imbere ye kandi we aba yumva mwakwisanzuranaho.
2. Gusesengura ibintu cyane: « Ejo yanyise cheri ampamagaye cyangwa anyitabye none uyu munsi ntabyo yanyise. Ibyo bisobanura iki ? Ntabwo akinkunze nka mbere se,….?” Uru ni urugero ngo rushobora gutera umukobwa kwibaza no gusesenguramo byinshi ariko burya ngo abahungu bo iyo bumva nta kibazo gihari hari ibintu byinshi bavuga batabyitayeho.
Iyo rero umuhungu ngo ukunda kumugarura ku bintu byashize kera wabigize ikibazo biramubangamira bikanamutera gutangira kukwikandagiraho akumva ubwisanzure yihaga imbere yawe buragenda bushira, kubera ko abahungu bakunda ubwisanzure mu rukundo rw’ukuri, ibi ngo ntibabikunda na gato.
3. Kuvuga imibanire yawe n’umuhungu mukundana cyane cyane umuvugaho n’abandi bakobwa bagenzi bawe: Ngo abahungu ntibakunda na mba ko abakobwa bakundana bamenera abandi bakobwa bagenzi babo imibanire yabo mu rukundo. Kubera ko mu rukundo habamo amabanga menshi cyane kandi y’umwihariko umukobwa utazi kugirira ibanga umukunzi we ntabwo abahungu bamwishimira.
4. Kubaca mu ijambo: Igihe umuhungu abwira umukobwa bakundana aba ashaka ko amutega amatwi kandi akamwereka ko amwitayeho. Akenshi abahungu iyo bari kubwira abakunzi babo ibintu bigaragara ko nta rwenya babifitemo babababihaye agaciro akaba ari nayo mpamvu bataba bashaka ko abakunzi babo babwira batarangara cyangwa ngo babace mu ijambo.
Iyo weretse umuhungu ko witaye ku byo ari kukubwira bituma agera kure akakubwira n’andi mabanga ye menshi ndetse ntanatinya kukubwira n’ibyuyumviro bye ariko iyo umweretse ko utamwitayeho ni ha handi ashaka noneho undi abitsa amabanga yari yarakugeneye, uwo abona ko amwumva kandi amwitayeho.
5. Kubabaza ibibazo byo kubapima cyangwa kubagerageza: Urugero niba muhuye n’umukobwa ukabona amurebyeho gato, ugahita umubaza ngo “Uriya mukobwa si mwiza ? Njye ndi mubi kuri we ? ’’
6. Kwigira umukobwa w’umunyamahane: Umukobwa uhora mu makimbirane n’abo babana, bakorana,… iyo afite umuhungu bakundana biramurakaza na cyane iyo amenye ko ayo makimbirane aturuka ku mukunzi we.
7. Kubeshya: Umuhungu ugukunda by’ukuri, nta na rimwe ajya yifuza kubona wamubeshye kuko iyo umuhungu agukunda atakubeshya kandi yumva urukundo agufitiye ruhamanya n’umutima we, iyo umubeshye cyangwa ukabigerageza biramuhungabanya cyane kubera imabaraga aba agutakazaho yaba mu bitekerezo, mu mishinga, mu bikorwa, ngo babigereranya no kumuca umugongo.
Ngo ibyiza nuko niba uguye mu ikosa wirinda kumubeshya ukamubwiza ukuri ukamusaba imbabazi uhozaho igihe we yanze kuziguha kubera urukundo agera aho akaguha imbabazi agiriye urukundo agufitiye.
